Our resident psychologist on the issue with maintaining appearances.

Q: On the outside, I project a picture of a secure, successful career girl, but on the inside, I am apprehensive, anguished, and, frankly, tired from keeping up looks for empowerment. How can I give myself a break?

It seems like you’ve duck syndrome. There seems A duck to glide through the water it is a totally different picture: The duck is paddling its legs maintain and to remain afloat. Seeing everybody else gliding through life–flourishing socially, attaining success, and looking fantastic –will be making you feel worse about your difficulties.


I had a patient that had a life in the exterior. At our very first meeting, I was shown that the vacation card she sent to everybody by her. She revealed me the card to communicate the disconnect between her unhappiness and the facade she worked difficult to keep. She had been too embarrassed about what was happening, fearing they would think of her to talk. From her standpoint, their lifestyles were fantastic. She believed she had been the one working to pretend it. She opened into a couple friends and as the months passed, she discovered that they went through some things by themselves. Two were in treatment for depression. Another was in rehabilitation but told everybody she visited a relative that is sick. The effort to keep up the look of joy had left her feel worse. Knowing she wasn’t alone was a significant part her recovery.


Research indicates we systematically overestimate how men and women that are happy are. This is only because we in carefully crafted worlds or see individuals just. We’ve got no clue what life is like for them. Because of this, our understanding of the own lives is based on an illusion. The illusion’s results are actual. Making assumptions about the others’ happiness motivates us to conceal our negative experiences, which contributes to feelings of unhappiness loneliness, and satisfaction.